Being the boss blues

This whole pregnant emplyee thing is really tough.  I see myself blogging a lot about it for a while.  Here is my new dilema.  So, this gal who is pregnant is my worst employee.  I don't mean it because she is pregnant.  Before I left for the buying trip overseas, I had started to reprimand her for the incredible amount of mistakes she was making.  She is a serious space cadet.  I run a crystal new age shop so it's pretty laid back and openminded.  Honestly if you came to work high, did your job well and i never knew, I wouldn't care.  But this was not the case with her.  I had to tell her not to smoke while at work, even on breaks.  She is wonderful with customers and has a lot of knowledge about all this new age stuff.  But she can't get it right on the register to save her life.  I have tried everything to help her out.  I believe that everyone brings something special to the store and I try to help people cultivate that and overlook some of their flaws.  But this one was getting bad.  Money mistakes meant the store was just losing money.  But she is always willing to be at work as well.  So when I was getting ready to leave for the trip, I put off any serious probation for her until I got back.  I just needed everyone there and happy while i was gone.  But bam!  When I get back she tells me she is pregnant.  Great.  Now I'm in a shitty situation.  For the past few days she has been feeling sick at work and going home, not doing her share of the "chores", and continuing to make register mistakes.  But now I'm afraid i feel extra annoyed by this all because i am annoyed that she is pregnant and I am resenting her.  I'm worried that that may be true and others will think it is.  I feel like it will look like I am punishing her for being pregnant.  Who yells at a pregnant girl or even worse have to let her go?  I had an empoyee a few years ago get pregnant and have her baby.  It was right before we started trying and I was more than happy to bend over backwards to help her.  But she was my best person on the job.  She didn't want any special treatment and worked sometimes until I would make her go home.  Ugh.  I know a little part is the jealousy.  But now I just feel confused how much is my feelings and the truth.

Pregnant employee

Its been a while since I was on here.  Just living the roller coaster of life.  When I got home from my trip to Bali I was feeling really positive and good.  I had such a beautiful time visiting Tirtha Empul, the healing water temple.  It was a day that made me feel the hope again.  I smiled and cried and sent of prayers to everyone going through this pain of infertility.  But just a few days ago it started to get hard again.  I have another sister in law who announced they were expecting.  Two days later they told everyone it is twins.  She gets two, I get none!  Then one of my employees told me she thought she might be pregnant.  Ugh.  I kept on her about taking a test.  She was scared because she never wanted kids.  I finally got a text at work of her and baby daddy that said "Hi auntie" Stuck up in my office I acted so happy for them and announced it to the other staff.  I stuffed all those feelings down.  Really???  They get to be pregnant?  She is two months pregnant!  Yeah, she didn't want to take the test last month.  I know it sounds awful, but she does not deserve this.  She smokes more weed than anyone I know.  She can barely take care of herself.  Her and the daddy sleep on a futon in their kitchen slash living room!  I'm sorry, I know I have no place to judge, but I just feel so pissed about it.  I even feel a little embarrassed that they could get pregnant and we can't!  I just think what is so wrong with me?  Ugh and know I am going to have to pretend the whole time how great this is.  I'm her boss.  This is going to be so hard for me.  I hate it. I really really really hate it.  And I have to hide it all really well.  The past few days have been so hard going through the whole excited thing.  My husband is good friends with the dad, so we have had to go over and celebrate over and over again.  Talking about baby due dates and the amazing feelings and pregnancy planning.  Today she brought her mom to work to share in all the excitement. Yuk.  Phew.  This is the first time i have been able to just vent it out.  I will have to for the next seven months because I may just explode or develop an ulcer in the mean time.  This feeling is gonna stick around for a while.  Ugh.]