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Simple girl looking for the one thing that I have been wanting my whole life, a child. Sounds easy right? Well, not the case here...

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Pregnant employee

Its been a while since I was on here.  Just living the roller coaster of life.  When I got home from my trip to Bali I was feeling really positive and good.  I had such a beautiful time visiting Tirtha Empul, the healing water temple.  It was a day that made me feel the hope again.  I smiled and cried and sent of prayers to everyone going through this pain of infertility.  But just a few days ago it started to get hard again.  I have another sister in law who announced they were expecting.  Two days later they told everyone it is twins.  She gets two, I get none!  Then one of my employees told me she thought she might be pregnant.  Ugh.  I kept on her about taking a test.  She was scared because she never wanted kids.  I finally got a text at work of her and baby daddy that said "Hi auntie" Stuck up in my office I acted so happy for them and announced it to the other staff.  I stuffed all those feelings down.  Really???  They get to be pregnant?  She is two months pregnant!  Yeah, she didn't want to take the test last month.  I know it sounds awful, but she does not deserve this.  She smokes more weed than anyone I know.  She can barely take care of herself.  Her and the daddy sleep on a futon in their kitchen slash living room!  I'm sorry, I know I have no place to judge, but I just feel so pissed about it.  I even feel a little embarrassed that they could get pregnant and we can't!  I just think what is so wrong with me?  Ugh and know I am going to have to pretend the whole time how great this is.  I'm her boss.  This is going to be so hard for me.  I hate it. I really really really hate it.  And I have to hide it all really well.  The past few days have been so hard going through the whole excited thing.  My husband is good friends with the dad, so we have had to go over and celebrate over and over again.  Talking about baby due dates and the amazing feelings and pregnancy planning.  Today she brought her mom to work to share in all the excitement. Yuk.  Phew.  This is the first time i have been able to just vent it out.  I will have to for the next seven months because I may just explode or develop an ulcer in the mean time.  This feeling is gonna stick around for a while.  Ugh.]


  1. Ugh that stinks! I hate those feelings. I have a hard time around my close friend...I think mainly because they have only been married a year and that she is 13 weeks and starting to get a bump... It is just hard to see someone else get the one thing you want! Thinking of you!

  2. :( I am so sorry that you are faced with all of this. You are not alone in feeling the way you do about your coworker! I felt that way when 3 teachers at my school announced pregnancies and delivered beautiful babies last year...when none of them had even been married as long as my husband and I had been ttc! Even though I knew it didn't make sense to be embarrassed, I was, too. At one point (one of my lowest) I told my husband that if any of our sisters announced another pregnancy before we got pregnant, I would DIE. I really felt that way! I felt that the wonderful news of someone we loved would KILL ME. I am not proud of that, but people can't help how they feel. I agree with Jess, it is so hard and so painful to see someones else get the one thing you want!

  3. Thank you guys! I was starting to feel like the wicked witch!

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