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Simple girl looking for the one thing that I have been wanting my whole life, a child. Sounds easy right? Well, not the case here...

Friday, May 18, 2012

Sister love

Well I made it through.  My sister in laws baby was born last weekend after a short and pretty easy birth.  He was born on Mother's Day.  Wow.  The days before I reached out; a lot of texting all day, everyday.  It was hard, but I wanted to prove to everyone that my not having a baby wasn't making me bitter.  I have continued to talk to the new family everyday.  I feel really good about it.  Even the pictures don't make me feel too sad.  Somehow now that the baby is here, I feel okay.
          Mother's Day was hard.  I just felt sad.  Probably like everyone else in my shoes.  I tried to keep my chin up.  I bought myself a new dress, went to the gym and pampered myself in the sauna.  When I got home I just kept along with the day.  I was going to post a blog, but for some reason the internet was out all day.  Then I got an email from one of my other sisters.  She is the mother of five and probably one of the most fertile ladies I know.  It was addressed to "My two favorite mothers" (it was to my other s.i.l. who has been trying for nine years)  I wanted to share it with you all because it was the sweetest thing that could have happened that day.  I read it and fell to my bedroom floor crying.  Here you go
         " My dearest, sweetest sisters, just wanted to send my love and greetings on this beautiful mother's day.  Just want to wish you a happy one and express how much I love and adore both of you!!!  I was just thinking about you guys, as we celebrate with Mitch and Denice.  I know we're all so happy for them today, but I also know that it's both happy and painful and full of heartache all at the same time.  I just want you to know that I ache with you, and cried with you this morning...    I just want you both to know that you ARE absolutely mothers on this day!  And you're two of the best I've ever known!!  Don't think that you're not!!  You already are!  Your babies don't have to be here in your arms yet, ...they are just not here yet, but you are ALREADY MOTHERS!!  Because that's what we are as women, all of us, from the beginning of time, and always will be.  It's the truth, it's in our hearts, and we know it's at the center of who we are!   And I know that neither of you have any idea of the wonderful mothering, nurturing influence you have, and have had on so many!! ( no women ever really see their own influence)  Just want to remind you that I've seen it, felt it, and I hope to remind you of the power of all the good you do in this world every day, as good women who do what is right, and lift others!!   It's the truth, so don't even try to deny it.   I can't really express what's truly in my heart and my feelings for you, but I just want you to know that I'm thinking about both of you, and send you all of my love and several, good soothing hugs, so you can cry your eyes out and feel just a tiny bit better.  xoxo

with all my love,

It was so nice to feel that love from someone I thought could never understand.  It could have been written to any of us!  And it is true.  We are still mother's on the inside!  We have lived a life preparing for something that we were born with.  The instinct to nurture and love.  It doesn't make it any easier to not have the baby now, but it makes me feel better knowing that I still am that person.  I am going to be a mother.  Someway, somehow.


  1. Thanks for sharing! What an amazing sister you have to recognize how difficult this day was for you!

  2. What an amazing letter, I have tears in my eyes.