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Simple girl looking for the one thing that I have been wanting my whole life, a child. Sounds easy right? Well, not the case here...

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Little stitches

I just got back from a really great buying trip for work.  I get to go to the Tucson Gem and Jewelry show every year and buy lots of beautiful pieces.  I travel with a dear friend and coworker.  It was timed perfect this year because it was the six days before my period.  I decided to not bring any preggo tests with me.  You know, just let it go and have fun.  And I did.  But, of course I thought about the possibilities everyday.  I thought maybe I am pregnant!  I try to think positive because I do believe it helps you get what you want. But it is so scary to think that.  The let down is so harsh, that it has become almost impossible for me to really believe it.  But I didn't get down.  I had a lot to distant me that is for sure!  Like the ten grand my boss gave me to shop!  On my way home, my period came.  I didn't feel crushed this time, just let down.  Every month this happens, a little piece of my heart breaks.  Like little tears in my heart.  And every month I stitch tiny stitches to hold it together.  I take a breath and try to put it back together.  There are 20 breaks in my little heart.  And 20 spots I have carefully tried to put back together.

4 comments:

  1. I know all to well that harsh let down! Good luck on your next cycle :) And hopefully you wont have to add any more stitches to your heart! I look forward to following your blog :)

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  2. I love the way you wrote this. I choked back the tears as I read your words. Your sincerity & courage is an inspiration!
    P.S. I'm glad your back to your blog!!

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  3. It is interesting how good I am getting with disappointment. I didn't even cry the last time it was negative. Maybe I am numb, or I am just getting better at it. Maybe my heart gets a little stronger each time. Looking forward to a wine night with the girls this weekend...

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  4. Thanks for saying exactly what I feel, because my heart breaks with each cycle that results in a BFN, it breaks for my husband because I want so bad to give him his little farmer, it breaks for our families, and it breaks for me because my body doesn't won't do what it is supposed to do.

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