Things have been ging along pretty well lately.  I mean, I'm not pregnant, but I haven't had much heart in it anyway lately.  But in a couple of days is our annual family trip.  We head up to lake Powell for a few days on a houseboat.  There are about twenty of us.  Yup, all of my husbands siblings and their kids.  And of course there is a newborn (about three weeks old) and a very pregnant sil.  I know I can make it through it all, but I just don't want to even feel sad or jealous.  I'm tired of all of it.  I just wish i could go back to my old self.  But that is impossible now. I'm a different person.  I will not show any of the pain though.  I will hold it in until I can be alone and cry my little eyes out.  Luckily my hormaones are pretty normal right now.  But we will see.  Maybe I will have to blog from the lake and reach out!