keep going right...

So, I have this blog to just rant and purge.  I actually felt like I didn't have a right to do this because I haven't been trying long enough compared to so many women I have read about.  And I haven't ventured into the world of infertility doctors and clinics.  Honestly, I am scared of that road.  My hormones are so crazy when they are on their own without birth control, that adding to that scares me.  I wouldn't be able to live my life.  It is already keeping me from loving life right now!  How would I be able to keep my marriage together and run my store feeling even crazier?  I'm just barely holding on now.  I have tried lots of other things to help me along the way.  Changed my diet.  Quit smoking.  Started working out.  Started doing fertility yoga with a new therapist who also was helping me through emotional stuff.  Massage, cranial sacral work, myofascial release, acupuncture.  I've taken every vitamin, mineral, and herb for fertility.  I visualize happiness.  I pee on a stick everyday it feels like for half of the month.  I chart.  I lift my hips with a pillow, but not too much. I've seen the doctor.  My husband has had his semen analyzed.  He is on a regiment of herbs and vitamins.  I've tried pre seed.  Even with all of this I was feeling like I had no right to complain since I haven't entered the world of clomid and daily shots.  But it doesn't matter to me any more.  I have to get this out.  I have to say it all out loud and this is the closest I can come.