About Me
- infertilemyrtle
- Simple girl looking for the one thing that I have been wanting my whole life, a child. Sounds easy right? Well, not the case here...
Sunday, January 15, 2012
New one
So this is new one. I never needed to take a test this month because i started my period early. So by day four, when my period was really lite still and had no cramps, i started to think "maybe I am pregnant?" Really? I googled it of course, the worst thing anyone can do with a question like that. Could i be pregnant and have a really lite period? That little tiny voice wouldn't let it go this time. Damn it!! I'm over this. I'm over the hoping and praying! I can't even imagine a test with a positive result. I am having a harder time even imagining having a child. Maybe we are meant to not have kids. And what if that was not so bad? How much of who I am is wrapped up in this? It makes you really dig deep, Why you want a child? What is it I need out of this? So many questions. I'm sick of that too! All the wondering. The crappy feeling of something being wrong with me. It is not good for the old self confidence! Maybe the universe is telling me something...
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So i feel like i am writing your blog for you! Just wanted to say you are not alone! I do the same thing every month, if my period is slightly different than normal, maybe that means i'm pregnant, after 4 years of this i should have learned my lesson by now.lol it's a sad cycle!!! Just wanted to say hi and i'm reading and relating!!! <3
ReplyDeletewow! I never thought anyone would read it! I just needed a place to vent and rant. I actually cried this morning when I read your comment. Thanks for reading and understanding. it is the strangest cycle i have ever been caught in. But knowing other ladies out there have been going through the same thing makes me not feel as crazy;)
ReplyDeleteI have thought about starting a blog...like this...but i have just never done it! I'm sorry i made you cry, but i thought you would like to know you are not alone! You are still crazy...just crazy along with the rest of us! just kidding!
ReplyDeleteYes!! I cried because someone else reached out. it was a happy thing! I was a little nervous about starting a blog because sometimes I felt that since I hadn't started down the road of fertility treatments and had only been trying for a year and a half, that maybe I didn't deserve to be so upset. Then I realized that was so silly. I just needed a place to say all of this. And it has really helped me feel better. This site makes it so easy. I just wanted it so simple, so it only took me a few minutes to set up. Go for it! I think that there is something in the way that we all feel, that only another woman in this situation can understand. If you start one, I would love to read it;)
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog today and when I read this post I felt like I was reading about my last two week wait. I had myself convinced that I was going to get a BFP when I tested. I tempted fate and allowed myself to test 2 days early...BFN and AF arrived just a few hours later. :( Sending you some babydust!
DeleteThanks for reading! I'm in the week of peeing on ovulation sticks, so I have the next two weeks to look forward to;) Then it will be onto those evil pregnancy tests! I should have bought them in bulk! Even when I get a negative, I always still think "maybe" until AF shows up. Baby dust right back at ya!
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